Thank God for spring break!! I seriously needed a break from everything that was going on here, and home was the right place to be. Even though the week wasn't all flowers and sunshine, it was an awesome week.
First of all when I got of the airplane my mom told me that my grandma was really sick. I am not that terribly close with my grandma but it also meant that mom and dad were leaving to Alberta for the week. So then that made me 'mom' of the house if you will, and I don't really get to see my parents much when I'm home. But I had a good time being 'mom' I guess. My brother, sister and I hung out a lot and had some pretty awesome times, like trying Thai food for the first time and actually knowing what chop suey is.. lol! But yea my sister is going through some drama and it was good to actually kinda talk with her and see that it wasn't as bad as I first heard about it. So that really put my mind at ease as well just seeing that she is doing ok and that I can trust her.
And I got to spend the week with one of persons I love the most. My wonderful significant other... what a guy. He seriously surprises me every time I hang out with him. But yea once again not all flowers and sunshine. We had a pretty messy talk... well more messy on my end. We kinda got into detail about what I have all done physically in my past relationship. And it definitely surpassed anything that he had ever done... and wow to see him hurt like that... it just killed me inside. I felt so helpless and really it felt like sorry, or any amount of words for that matter, could not even begin to make things right. That is the worst feeling ever...it brings me to tears now just thinking about it now. So if you are reading this, and your in a relationship that you don't really know if you are gunna end up with this person. Seriously, don't fool around. It's not just your life your messing with. Believe it or not you are hurting your future spouse... yea just don't do it. But after that talk I fell more in love with him.. I didn't even know this was possible... lol! He is just amazing... ladies I really do hope you find someone as wonderful as I have :)
And I got to see my friends a little.... less than what I wanted to. One week is so hard to try and fit everyone in and then try and be with your boyfriend as well... and then family. So I really am sorry to those I didn't really see or hang out with. It will definitely be different once I am actually living at home! Promise!!!!
So yes I come back from those 10 days just feeling incredibly rejuvenated! My love tank is full ready just to spill out into the hearts of these young people that I am working with. It feels so good to actually want to be here, and knowing that I am emotionally able to do this again. I was feeling so empty before spring break, I seriously felt like colapsing. So thank you to those at home that listened to me, and poured love into me. You have definitely blessed me more than you will ever know. I am hoping that these 3 months go by fast, but not too fast that I ignore what God wants me to do before I leave here. Keep me in your prayers!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
FRUSTRATION!!!
Ok so my dear friend liked this one boy. And that is what he is... a boy. He led her to believe that he really liked her and would like to date her and said all of these wonderful things. Then KAPOW in one night it all changes and he says he doesn't want to date her... at all. BAH! boys.. I got pretty angry... like really angry. So here is my poem of frustration about this particular gentlemen.
Two Face
Cool, calm and collective
Sweet, smooth and seductive
Your lips are toxic to ears
Fooling girls to fall at your feet
Words that seem pure
Words that can lure
Look at you so cute
What a gross little smirk
Putting females in a trance
Your sarcastic stance.
Harsh, hate and hurtful
Dumb, demeaning and deceitful
This is how you treat her
She just wants you to love
Tricking this precious being
Not even aware how she is feeling
What a sickening flirt
In the end you choose to hurt
Get lost. Go on... prance.
Hey buddy; you’ve lost your chance.
So yea... I wouldn't care if he just never came around again. Maybe I am just being over protective who knows...
Two Face
Cool, calm and collective
Sweet, smooth and seductive
Your lips are toxic to ears
Fooling girls to fall at your feet
Words that seem pure
Words that can lure
Look at you so cute
What a gross little smirk
Putting females in a trance
Your sarcastic stance.
Harsh, hate and hurtful
Dumb, demeaning and deceitful
This is how you treat her
She just wants you to love
Tricking this precious being
Not even aware how she is feeling
What a sickening flirt
In the end you choose to hurt
Get lost. Go on... prance.
Hey buddy; you’ve lost your chance.
So yea... I wouldn't care if he just never came around again. Maybe I am just being over protective who knows...
Friday, March 12, 2010
All I Want is You
Work is not even over and I am ready to quit. My patience bucket has gone dry and I ready to explode at the next punk kid trying to be a smart alec. It's shifts like these that I just want to be back in Leamington. So here is my "woe is me poem"
Wanting to give up and go home
Home is where the heart is
I left mine there in yours
Keeping it safe
Home is where the heart is
This is where you are
I can’t help but to miss you
Needing you by my side
This is where you are
Empty shadows by me
Wanting to tell you of joys and sorrows
But your not in sight
Not here by my side
Wanting your hand in mine
The place inside where our hearts met
Has constant aching
Wanting your hand in mine
The comfort of your arms
The sound of your voice
Reunited again
Wanting to give up and go home
Home is where the heart is
I left mine there in yours
Keeping it safe
Home is where the heart is
This is where you are
I can’t help but to miss you
Needing you by my side
This is where you are
Empty shadows by me
Wanting to tell you of joys and sorrows
But your not in sight
Not here by my side
Wanting your hand in mine
The place inside where our hearts met
Has constant aching
Wanting your hand in mine
The comfort of your arms
The sound of your voice
Reunited again
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Best Valentines Gift EVER!
Yes indeed I do have the most wonderful significant other. For Valentines Day he bought me a ticket back home to Leamington! So let's just say this last weekend I was blessed immensely!! You see before I went home for the weekend I had a really stressful day. Why?
Ok so there is a wonderful student here at MCI that I have gotten to know quite well. She is a little rough around the edges, but really deep down has a heart of gold. She came here to MCI in the middle of October. Before this, she dropped out of school for a year because she was struggling with some really deep and heavy issues. We connected right from the start and I was beginning to form a really good relationship with her. Well as the weeks continued her old habbits started to set in again. Sleeping in, not going to class, staying up late, disrepesting authority. I tried to stick with her through this and would try to encourage her to come out of it but it seemed like nothing really was working. The principal, for lack of better words, kicked her out of school for a weekend to give her a wake up call. He told her if she didn't start attending classes she would be asked to leave. After the 'wake up call weekend' she was ready to give this class thing another shot. She went to all of her classes for 2 days in a row! Immpressive for her (sad I know). But then once again she slipped back into her habbits of sleeping in and when us deans would try and wake her up her response would sound something like, "...go away" "don't! .. leave me alone! I wanna sleep" So this is what I let her do. And last Wednesday 6 days after the 'wake up call weekend" she was asked to leave campus and not to come back. And the saddest thing was she wanted to be here but wasn't motivated to fight for it. Moreover that Wednesday I cried. I cried because at the time I think I was blamming myself; thinking that because I 'gave up' on her is the reason why she is going home. Oh and the cherry on top of this big mess of a cake is: Her mom kicked her out of the house. She is 16, its averaging a good -15 outside, she has no job/money... what is she supposed to do? But I guess this is where all I can do is pray for her and leave it all in God's hands.
So yea after that whole ordeal of teary goodbyes, I took off to Winnipeg where the next day I would fly home and see my wonderful boyfriend. Seriously this time I was kinda nervous. I don't know why... Maybe it just was the overwhelming excitment that I would see him again! yea... thats it! lol! And really we spent the weekend doing nothing, which was amazing especially after that crazy rollercoaster ride of emotion. Seriously to all those people who work in emotionally draining situations, make sure you take care of yourself. Take time to chill out and relax and do nothing. Recharge your batteries or you will have nothing to give to those that you are supposed to take care of.
well there is my rant for the day.
God keep her safe, guide her way.
Ok so there is a wonderful student here at MCI that I have gotten to know quite well. She is a little rough around the edges, but really deep down has a heart of gold. She came here to MCI in the middle of October. Before this, she dropped out of school for a year because she was struggling with some really deep and heavy issues. We connected right from the start and I was beginning to form a really good relationship with her. Well as the weeks continued her old habbits started to set in again. Sleeping in, not going to class, staying up late, disrepesting authority. I tried to stick with her through this and would try to encourage her to come out of it but it seemed like nothing really was working. The principal, for lack of better words, kicked her out of school for a weekend to give her a wake up call. He told her if she didn't start attending classes she would be asked to leave. After the 'wake up call weekend' she was ready to give this class thing another shot. She went to all of her classes for 2 days in a row! Immpressive for her (sad I know). But then once again she slipped back into her habbits of sleeping in and when us deans would try and wake her up her response would sound something like, "...go away" "don't! .. leave me alone! I wanna sleep" So this is what I let her do. And last Wednesday 6 days after the 'wake up call weekend" she was asked to leave campus and not to come back. And the saddest thing was she wanted to be here but wasn't motivated to fight for it. Moreover that Wednesday I cried. I cried because at the time I think I was blamming myself; thinking that because I 'gave up' on her is the reason why she is going home. Oh and the cherry on top of this big mess of a cake is: Her mom kicked her out of the house. She is 16, its averaging a good -15 outside, she has no job/money... what is she supposed to do? But I guess this is where all I can do is pray for her and leave it all in God's hands.
So yea after that whole ordeal of teary goodbyes, I took off to Winnipeg where the next day I would fly home and see my wonderful boyfriend. Seriously this time I was kinda nervous. I don't know why... Maybe it just was the overwhelming excitment that I would see him again! yea... thats it! lol! And really we spent the weekend doing nothing, which was amazing especially after that crazy rollercoaster ride of emotion. Seriously to all those people who work in emotionally draining situations, make sure you take care of yourself. Take time to chill out and relax and do nothing. Recharge your batteries or you will have nothing to give to those that you are supposed to take care of.
well there is my rant for the day.
God keep her safe, guide her way.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
I enjoy folk music
Yup I do enjoy folk music. Honestly... I think I enjoy it because I can see myself playing and singing this genre. It just seems like it doesn't matter if you have a 'pretty' voice. It can be raspy or you can be an alto... it doesn't matter. Folk artists seem to play because they just love producing music. They love to sing, so they will sing. They love to play... so they will play guitar/piano/accordion/harmonica or what have you!
Yesterday I went to a show in Winnipeg and Andy Shauf, Zachary Lucky and The Bravest Ghost were playing. What an amazing show! I felt so relaxed and I could have sat there forever and listened to them play. They made it look so easy you know. Their fingers just flowed up and down the guitar and these incredible melodies came from their mouths... I WANNA DO THAT! lol! I do, I do, I do!!! I wanna play in a coffee shop, I wanna inspire people, I just wanna play and sing! But I get to insecure. Seriously playing guitar and singing is one of my first loves.. but having people hear me is one of my worst nightmares. Especially songs that I have written. GAH! dumb dumb....yup.
soooo yes maybe you will be hearing some folk tunes in the future... no promises though!
Yesterday I went to a show in Winnipeg and Andy Shauf, Zachary Lucky and The Bravest Ghost were playing. What an amazing show! I felt so relaxed and I could have sat there forever and listened to them play. They made it look so easy you know. Their fingers just flowed up and down the guitar and these incredible melodies came from their mouths... I WANNA DO THAT! lol! I do, I do, I do!!! I wanna play in a coffee shop, I wanna inspire people, I just wanna play and sing! But I get to insecure. Seriously playing guitar and singing is one of my first loves.. but having people hear me is one of my worst nightmares. Especially songs that I have written. GAH! dumb dumb....yup.
soooo yes maybe you will be hearing some folk tunes in the future... no promises though!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Put Your Name in the Blanks
Psalm 121
I look up to the mountains,
does my strength come from the mountains?
No my strength comes form God,
who made heaven, and earth and mountains.
________, He won't let you stumble,
your Guardian God won't fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel's
Guardian will never doze or sleep.
God is your Guardian, _________,
right at your side to protect you-
shielding you from sunstroke, _______,
sheltering you from moonstroke.
God guards you, _______, from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return, ________,
he guards you now, he guards you always.
Do you trust God? Do you have confidence that he will guard you?
I look up to the mountains,
does my strength come from the mountains?
No my strength comes form God,
who made heaven, and earth and mountains.
________, He won't let you stumble,
your Guardian God won't fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel's
Guardian will never doze or sleep.
God is your Guardian, _________,
right at your side to protect you-
shielding you from sunstroke, _______,
sheltering you from moonstroke.
God guards you, _______, from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return, ________,
he guards you now, he guards you always.
Do you trust God? Do you have confidence that he will guard you?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Wanting More
So I got a new journal on the weekend and I just wanted to share a bit from my first entry:
I crave things that are real. Things that are real don't always make sense.. or maybe the make the most sense, it's just we don't always understand it. Like....love. How would you define love? Can you define love? You really can't. Maybe you would go about saying, "well there are four kinds of love like: the love of things, friendship love, family love, and romantic love" But you really wouldn't be able to give one definite definition. But, when you love someone it feels right; it makes sense, but you don't always understand it. And also you don't understand how you got to that place where you know that you love him. Especially since I knew him for at least 10 years of my life and only for the last 6 months I have realized that I LOVE this handsome, spectacular man. Wow..... do I ever miss him.
Yea it has definitely been a long January this year. Hopefully February and March will fly by. But yea, along with the theme of wanting more. My wonderful friend and I were talking about our relationship with God and wanting more. Wanting to know he is real. Wanting to feel him. Wanting to hear his voice. Wanting our relationship with Him to flourish. But the question is how???? We have been asking a lot of people this question and maybe you can help me out to. Why do you believe in God?
I crave things that are real. Things that are real don't always make sense.. or maybe the make the most sense, it's just we don't always understand it. Like....love. How would you define love? Can you define love? You really can't. Maybe you would go about saying, "well there are four kinds of love like: the love of things, friendship love, family love, and romantic love" But you really wouldn't be able to give one definite definition. But, when you love someone it feels right; it makes sense, but you don't always understand it. And also you don't understand how you got to that place where you know that you love him. Especially since I knew him for at least 10 years of my life and only for the last 6 months I have realized that I LOVE this handsome, spectacular man. Wow..... do I ever miss him.
Yea it has definitely been a long January this year. Hopefully February and March will fly by. But yea, along with the theme of wanting more. My wonderful friend and I were talking about our relationship with God and wanting more. Wanting to know he is real. Wanting to feel him. Wanting to hear his voice. Wanting our relationship with Him to flourish. But the question is how???? We have been asking a lot of people this question and maybe you can help me out to. Why do you believe in God?
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